Before you buy into too many diagnoses for your son, you may want to do some research into family roles and consider counseling for the family as a whole. All families tend to have a child that carries stress and anger for the family, and the more unaddressed stress there is, the more they express it. The classic author/trainer on this was John Bradshaw, (begin with the classic PBS series with JB called "Focus on the Family") but there are lots of good ones out there. It's as though these kids take on the role of being the family steam valve, and it's usually (though not always) the second child. So there are forces going on that are bigger than any one child, or even any one family, so no shame. Your child's role training/definition began for him when he was in the womb, as this highlight illustrates. It may be that he does need some help particular to him, but if you start with getting education and support for you and your wife, it reduces the overall family stress. You may see his symptoms begin to diminish even before you make him the "identified patient."